Sarcasm, jokes, and flirting

Hello Everyone! Today I thought I'd talk about the understanding of sarcasm, jokes, and facial recognition/body language.

A lot of the time it's hard for a person with autisim to recognize social cues if they're subtle. I.E. jokes, sarcasm, and for the girls out there flirting. Things along the line of subtle body language or change in voice pitch.

SARCASM AND JOKES

I was really bad with these when I was younger, still am but to a lesser extent. When people were being sarcastic it took me awhile to figure out that there's not really a change in voice pitch. It made me seem like I took everything literally and that I was gullible. I felt like such a fool but I've learned to cope, it just takes lot's of practice and listening to understand when people are being serious or not. Some people I know are REALLY good at being sarcastic and when I find out they weren't serious I feel hurt that they were trolling me throughout the whole conversation. I've learned to not take it seriously, it's hard at first but through time you learn. One of the things I wish I was good at was jokes, not the ones where it's obvious but the ones with subtle gags, my major in college is digital arts and my professor has this saying for stories "That's the gag!" It took me at least half of the semester to figure out what a "GAG" was. I took the meaning of a gag as "knock knock whose there" when in reality it's something like when a person is about to sit down and someone pulls the chair out and they fall, subtle things like that. My first few assignments revolving around gags didn't turn out so well because I didn't understand the concept of a gag, I felt like an idiot. NOW I get it which is good, we had to show our work to the class and most of the time no one got mine because of this (so embarassing) but you live and learn.

I personally LOVE being autistic but this is one of the few times it's annoying

If your a parent PLEASE exlpain how sarcasm works if they don't understand because that's also what prompted people to make fun of me because I took everything literally (not obvious things but believable things)

When it comes to jokes that might just be a me thing, I tend to get to caught up in detail when telling a story, which is what a joke is, a funny short story. I've just stopped telling jokes and don't do meme's, I let the funny come naturally instead of forcing it.

FLIRTING

Flirting with me is like flirting with a wall, it wont react. This relates to sarcasm because both involve sublte body and facial language. I still haven't gotten over this, I can tell if a guy is flirting if they're being obvious which I don't want, makes a guy come off as over confidant or annoying. So I'm stuck in-between a rock and a hard place. My friends say I'm oblivious, which I can't totally deny but that's not completely my fault I JUST CAN'T TELL. I ask my girl friends how they know if a guy is flirting, some have given me useful advice, I also ask my guy friends mainly my siblings how if they like a girl they let her know. Lot's of my learnig on the art of flirting comes though Q and A.

So all of you mothers or fathers with autistic daughters out there, explain how flirting works (when they are in 7th or 8th grade) if they don't understand.

SIDE NOTE

If anybody want's a topic that they feel needs explaining let me know or request a topic you feel your child is having issues with I'll answer your questions as best as possible. Remember this is MY take on being autistic not a professional opinion this is just personal experiences coming from someone who is autistic. I know that it's hard for someone who is autistic to express how they feel so my goal is to try and give you a perspective on how they might be feeling and how to go about it.

Have a happy thanksgiving! gobble gobble!

Hi I'm still here

Hey sorry I've been gone, too be honest I've been weirdly spacey latley and I'm not sure why. It feels like the inside of my head is floating if that makes sense. Also I have college work I have to get done so when I have less work I will post more stuff.

Patience and Understanding

Hey again sorry I've been gone for a bit, I've been working for my Mom and Dad this summer plus there are some other chaos and fun times going around. So I've been thinking instead of doing a structured blog I think I'll just wing it, whatever comes to mind about autism. Also I'll probably have some family members be guest bloggers and have them relate their experiances. I think it will be a valuable benifit to have other peoples points of view. Also what they say might contradict what I say memory wise, it's a little hard to remember what you were like when you were three.

So today I'm gonna talk about a personal experiance that just happened. and it has to do with...

PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

My sister is getting married and there are some events going on before the wedding. My Dad was explaining the schedule to me but I didn't understand. He tried again and then my brother tried to explain it to me saying the exact same thing. I still didnt get it. Then my sister-in-law tried to explain it ( third times the charm) but the way she explained it was by what outfits I needed to wear and then I finally understood.
And then of course I forgot again ( it was a complicated schedule) and I texted my dad and asked. He texted me but I didnt understand the text message so I called him and he started getting angry that I still didnt get it and then my mom came to the rescue and had him tell her what was going on. She had to explain to him that sometimes I just don't get certain things. You can repeat it all you want but I still wont get it. So then my mom explained it to me slowly and more simply so I understood.

with my sister-in-lawI think I understood it that time because I could imagine the outfits I had to wear and I couldn't understand the technicality in which my dad and brother were explaining it. It may go differently for other people. What I'm trying to say though is that if your trying to do a task, explain something, or whatever try doing it a different way. Odds are that they do get it, it's just that they dont understand the way your explaining it. So please be paitent and try to understand that when you get fustrated we get fustrated and upset too. This isn't the first time it's happened to me either. It's really embarassing and fustrating when this happens with friends. I nod anyways with a blank stare and say that I understood when I really because I was embarassed and felt bad. What I SHOULD have done was asked them to explain it again but differently maybe in a more verbaly visual way that I could comprehend.

Sometimes it can be a simple thing but to us it's complictaed!! So please just be calm, paitent and try to understand.

WOW OMG I AM SO HAPPY!!! 222 PAGE VIEWS!!! YAY!!! *ahem* anyways so i got back from Italy a week ago and I'm still collecting myself and getting situated. I also have been working for my dad filing at his office. I will update you all once I get some things I have to do out of the way then I'm all yours!

bullying in school

WHOA!! That's a lot of page views. Thank you so much for viewing this blog! I was worried that nobody cared but I guess it's all about timing.

Anyway's....

Back to the subject of bullying.. INSIDE OF SCHOOL

Now I have been bullied since 4th to junior year of highschool. It was horrible. No physical abuse although There was a close call. All of the time it was verbal and let me tell you words cut the deepest. It messes with you psychologically. I started to get paranoid, not fun. When I look back I was teased because of a habbit that I had for 10 years called stimming, a hair pulling disorder that I developed when my parents got divorced, and for being me.

ELEMTARY SCHOOL: in 5th grade is when it REALLY started. I was called a teachers pet, My best friend told someone about my habit which was a secret, she apologized later and I got a candy cane haha. Hmmm that's all I can remember about 5th grade.

MIDDLE SCHOOL: okay now this is where it REALLY HONEST TO G-D BEGINS. I went to cabrillo middle school for 2 weeks before I moved to Westlake Village. In that time this blonde chick in my P.E. class made fun of me because I had no eyelashes. I don't understand why! I mean, why are people so mean and cruel!?  I know that MAYBE she had a back story of being picked on herself so she picked on others... I think she was just a witch with a B. SO I moved to Colina Middle School. It would have been okay IF PEOPLE WEREN'T SUCH MEANIES!! Oh my gosh talk about stereotypical middle school. The most prominent memories I have of that time are a girl making fun of my sweater because it was gap, her exact words were, "you shop at Gap?" now imagine that but in a snooty tone by a girl. Yes she actually said that... I was picked on by guys more than girls in middle school and whoever told you that " when a guy teases you it means they like you" needs their head examined ASAP. That's a load of poo. 7th grade I was picked on by a guy ((who shall not be named)) and his friend. 7th grade is when I started to pull my head hair. I went from pulling my eyelashes and eybrows to head hair. He would mock me in class to his friends when I would look in that direction. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. It was so cruel and heartbreaking. Just thinking about it wants to make me cry. 8th grade same situation different guy ((who shall not be named)). He would mock me by mimicking me and he would tease me saying I ate my hair and tease me about liking this guy who of course I didn't. He would be like " oh you eat your hair.." I would put my hair in my mouth to get to the strand that I wanted. Yeah It was really bad then. What's interesting now is that he's no longer a prick in highschool. Sometimes people can change it just takes them oh 2 YEARS!! I would also be teased on the bus that I took in middle school and in my social studies class... I don't know why. And there was this kid in class who also had autism but a bit more severe than me and they would get annoyed with him really quickly because he has sensitive hearing and would cover his ears and screech a little when there were loud noises or he got fustrated. So I got picked on in middle school because of my hair pulling habit and because I me being me. Lovely ain't it.

HIGH SCHOOL: The people who picked on me in middle school, I would see them around my high school aint' that just peaches. They weren't my tormenters anymore I got new ones and this time they were girls. In my geometry class this girl ((who shall not be named)) flat out called me weird out loud in class. I just turned around and had a "what the hell man!?" gesture and expression of my face. The teacher would be humming songs and I made it a game to guess what they were. It was fun, "my fair lady", Phil collins etc.. the teacher didn't mind mainly because I was probably one only students that gave a crap about his class. I wasn't an A (( I got a B)) student but I tried my best. This one girl was TERRIBLE!! I had a confrontation with her and almost lost my self control not to punch her and tackle her to the ground... in front of the teacher after class. Basicly she didn't like me because I was being myself I think. In my American sign language class sophmore year or maybe it was junior year this one girl (( who shall not be named)) would mock me and tease me about my hair pulling with this other girl across the class room. At one point I got really down and upset and the teacher asked me to sign something annnnnd I said no. I was reeeeeaaaally depressed because of her. FYI never refuse a teacher when they ask you to do something, bad idea. It was around this time I was getting paranoid.

senior year of course was a hell of a lot better. For some reason people started to grow a jimminy cricket on their shoulder. Better late than never I suppose.

A lot of the times I was bullied was because of a habit which I think most people with autisim have and being myself.

so tips on how to deal with bullying if your autistic:

Options:
1) ignore them. I'm just gonna put it on the list but honestly, It doesn't really help, those bullies are anything if not persistent. botherbotherbotherbotherbotherbotherbotherbother

2) Tell your parent. They want to know and they will help! This is more of a last resort. Ask them for advice or have them do something depending on the severity.

3) tell the teacher. It's not tattling if your being verbally abused numerous times. Schools have a zero tollerance policy so they take this quite seriously.

4) confront the bully.... WITH A COUNSLER PRESENT! yes confronting the bully is a must if they wont leave you alone. Enough is enough. But have a counsler present, they are the mediator and will make sure things run smoothly, I know confronting the bully is scary but if you want it to stop it needs to be done.

THINGS NOT TO DO
1) telling your older sibling and have them defend you. This is just an option and not a good one. My Older brother did this and well.... the bully got scared. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE SAID... it was a bad situation.

2) threating that your older brother (or sibling) will kick their ass. I didn't mean it and I only did this ONCE. Threatening is also taken very seriously by the schools, don't do it.

3) fighting fire with fire. Don't try to say something witty and insulting back it doesn't help matters and if your not good at it, it will make you look dumb and that's where bad option numer 2 came in. I'm terrible at comebacks because I don't make it a thing to verbally hurt people.

I have other bully stories but these are more autism related. And you know what's weird some of my tormenters were a year younger than me.

Parents I know your going to want to take action if your child is being bullied especially if they are autistic. If they can defend themselves to some degree, advise them first and if it's still out of hand then intervene but DISCREETLY!! If they can't defend themselves because they are too severe in the autism spectrum then by all means CHARGE!!!

So I covered habbits I've had or still have a little bit and I'll go over those next time and how to go about them.

looklooklooklooklooklooooooooooook nooooow!!

Hey Guys! Check this out!! He's an awesome artist and a fantastic guy! Go take a look!

Autism Charity PLEASE HELP

• 1 day, 23 hours ago by *barrypresh
• Journals / Personal

April is Autism Awareness Month and I am participating in a Charity Walk event to help raise awareness and provide resources for children and families who are living with autism.

This charity is very personal to me.
My son is autistic.

So if you have ever appreciated my work, then I ask you as a friend to please help me by donating to the cause, any amount, even one dollar is a sign of support, here is the link to my Team: [link] and if you can't donate any money then please help by sharing the link and spreading Autism Awareness!

Last year we were able to raise $5000 for the cause! 
If you are a fan of my artwork, I am posting drawings exclusively on my facebook and on my twitter account where I will update my team's progress.  Feel free to follow me there:

Facebook: [link]
Twitter: [link]

From the bottom of my heart, I thank those of you that will listen to my plea. You guys are awesome!

Peers at UCLA

I'll talk about bullying and habbits after this because I feel that this is a very helpful and important personal experiance.

I went to a group called Peers at UCLA to help me become more social and interact better with people. It was a fantastic group I highly recommend checking it out. I went to this group last year and it has helped me so much. There were 10 of us I think. I was the oldest and there were only 3 girls including myself. There was an older group but they were going to talk about....older adult things. I was 17 and the age cut off was 6-16 ( i think) and 18-25, I chose the younger one because personally I think I have a younger mentality. This group has taught me social cues and acceptances, how to be social, and so much more. Here are some of the things I learned.

1) Don't be a conversation hog. I know that this happens when I talk about something that I love, I tend to become very excited ( and a little loud) and just want to talk about that. This tends to happen. The problem with this is that the other person in the conversation will get bored and uninterested. So just keep track of what your saying ( it's hard I know I'm still working on it) and make sure that the other person get's a chance to talk. So stay calm and pass the conversation. Think of it as ping pong.

for example,  Me: "I'm really into animation and drawing what about you?"
                     My friend "That's cool I tried drawing when I was younger. Do you watch Studio Ghibi animation?"
                     Me: "Yeah! but I have yet to see Tototro."

Etc Etc.... my friend is from South Korea so she asked me about Studio Ghibi since she knows I love drawing and she likes animation too.

Which brings me to the point of...

2) Common Interests: When talking to someone be inquisitive but don't be an interrogator. Ask them what they like and then when you find something talk about it and then go from there. If you meet someone who you don't have anything in common with it's most likely that you won't hang out but that doesn't mean you can't be friendly!

3) Interrupting: Don't do it! I know it's hard and I had a really tough time with this because I would think that people were done talking but I was wrong soooooo watch for those social cues!! Most likely I think that would be lengthy pauses in a conversation. But also stay on topic! If the topic is on cats don't start talking about llamas. You can smoothly transition it to something you want to talk about. Just don't jump in to it.

4) Personal Space: Everyone has an imaginary bubble around them. Basically if you don't know them or just met them don't get all up in their grill! I loved (still do) hugging people but I also know my limits. I would guess that the personal bubble size is the width of someone holding a big beach ball in front of them.

5) Hang out! Get social: It's very crucial to hang out and be social. I know that you might want to play by yourself because you want to do it your way but sadly we don't always get our way. Play with your friends and make sugestions. It's very good to interact with people don't seal yourself away from the world. Dogs don't count, I know that they're cute and fluffy, I would see a dog just pay attention to the dog and not the people.

6) keep in touch: call your friends see how they're doing and if they want to hang out. Still working on this but I'm getting better.

7) Eye contact: always look someone in the eye when you talk to them. I know that it seems personal and scary but it's polite and shows that you are listening. I had issues with this, It just seemed so intimidating and I could hear them, why did I have to look at them? Image if everyone just talked to each other while starring at some random object. Annoying and freaky right?

This is all I can remember at the momment but I hope that this advice helps parents and kids alike! Check this group out,  It's called Peers and it take place at UCLA. I know that you have to fill out an application  for this, ( I don't know why) but this program was really helpful.

bullying... part one outside of school

Bullying.

It's a topic that everyone hears about in the media today.

But what about someone bullying someone who is autistic?

I despise bullies with a burning passion. I have been bullied from 4th grade to junior year of highschool. I thought that maybe senior year that the people who sat behind me were whispering about me. Maybe, I started getting paranoid.

Bullying hurts so much. I have had to take so much verbal abuse from people my age it makes me nauseous. I don't know why I was such an ideal target for bullies. Vulnerability? Naivety? Did me being bullied have to do with my autism? I don't know. They never knew I was autistic yet I was the ideal choice. Maybe haveing autistic characteristics made me more prone to torement because I was different.

94.9% of the time it was girls who bullied me. Words cut deeper that the sharpest knife. It doesn't even have to be words. I 've been teased and made fun of with gestures.

BULLYING OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL

I went to a camp called Camp Hill Top (it was a jewish camp, co-ed) for 2 weeks. It started out fine. The girls were in girl cabins the boys in boy cabins. It was the girls the made my life a living hell. They put gum under my pillow so I woke up with ants crawling on my pillow, they locked me out of the cabin, and shunned me. Why? I have no fricken clue. The one thing I remember the most though is that I wanted to be left by myself, which I find is normal in autistic kids. We want some alone time, that's not so bad just make sure to be social too. I hid in the pool bathroom sitting on the toilet seat moping when I'm dragged out of the bathroom by two of the girls from my cabin both cluthcing my arms and taken back like a prisoner. I now call that place camp hell top. I have never been back since.

That was outside of school. Not much a parent can do about that when the kids are away and can't phone you. And let's be honest a kid doesn't want to tell their parents that they're having an awful time.

I went to another summer camp for 8 summers I will not name this camp because I love it with all of my heart and soul, it is apart of me. This was an all girls camp. Yeah.... It's unavoidable at an all girls camp so much hormones. This one girl HATED me and I mean really HATED me for some reason I can not fathom. I asked her once and her response was, " I don't know your from California.. bla bla..." Whoa back up a sec! That was her excuse! This all happened when I was in 5th or 4th grade keep in mind. She had issues. This all took place at a summer camp in Wisconson. So this was far from home. I was like some exotic bird they've only heard of there it was cool but also strange. Everyone assumes that just because your from Cali that you know someone famous. ANYWAYS!!! Sometimes I was bullied by this same girl and her cohort over the littlest (or not so little) things that meant a lot to me. One year i cried my eyes out and they were smirking. They threatend to flush my pillow and stuffed seal down the toilet ( and they kept calling him catsup which made me upset). I think It's my OCD that made me upset about the name thing I don't know!!

I know a lot of this bullying sounds non-autistic related but it is because I noticed that all of the non autistic people were not being bullied!! A small portion were but not a lot.

So be aware that if your sending your autistic child to a summer camp with non autistic children they probably might get bullied. But you know what? I kept going back to that camp because I looooooove it and they only put a small damper in my whole experience. And I will not let their bullying keep me from doing what I love. Plus what doesn't get put you down makes you stronger.

Autism Awareness Month! And more!

Hey so it's Autism awareness month! Spread the awareness! Learn about autism! Go do it! I'm timing you! Just kidding.

Alrighty so today's subject is perseverance.
I personally feel that this is a very important quatlity to have. Striving for something and then achiving it and looking back on what you did and thinking, wow I did that, that was all me!

How does this relate to autism? It relates because I have had to persevere all of my life. I have had to prove people wrong every step of the way. "Oh, I don't know if your daughter will be able to handle a regular 4 year college/ or be able to get into one." PFFFFTT!! I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!!!! I got deferred from USC!! ( I chose Chapman University by the way ) USC!! There are people out there that are not autistic that didn't even get THAT! That just goes to show that to all of you nay sayers that doubted me, in your face! DO NOT DOUBT THE AUTISTIC PEOPLE!

okay back to the more professional side, (I've had to much sugar *munches on a jelly belly*)

I personally feel it's good to have a goal set for an autistic child. My parents always had me involved in sports or some sort of activity. It's good because then they have something to strive toward and once they reach it they can know that they can do something on their own. Which in the later run can help with other things when they grow older. And it's okay to help them on the way everyone needs a little help autistic or not, but also let them try to do it on their own.

When someone tells you that you can't or wont succeed in something just because of a disability, smack that fool upside the head! No really don't listen to them, if you really strive and believe that you can do it, anything is possible. Really it is!  Persevere! Strive to do something great and prove those nay sayers wrong! It's fun! That goes for autistic and non autistic people!

What I've noticed about myself

So this time I think I'd cover some of the things I do notice about myself and how it relates to autism.
THIS IS ALL FROM MY OPINION AND PERSONAL EXPERIANCE THESE ARE NOT FACTS!

1) I suck at sarcasm, jokes, and things along that line. Why? because if I can't hear the obvious pitch change in someones voice or see that they are clearly not serious then I will think that they are telling the truth and being straight with me. I'm not gullible I just have a hard time reading subtle things like that. It's not just me, there's this girl I know who has aspergers and when we play apples to apples she takes things literally. It's hard and not fun when someone is purposefully trolling you. It's upsetting. Watch out for this it might lead to being bullied because other kids think it's fun to mess with you.

2) It takes me a bit to grasp some concepts so if it needs to be repeated please don't get fustrated it just takes a bit to register what your trying to explain. Some (most I think) children who are autistic are visual learners, visuals help a lot!

3) I can't dance very well on beat. I'm always a second behind in choreographed dancing.

4) I can't stand certain fabrics!! So take care when you buy your child who is autistic certain clothes make sure they'll actually wear it first. Most of the time it's just about comfort. Fabrics like wool,  tight thin shirts, or anything itchy ( I find that children with autism have sensitive skin).

5) Sounds! When I was little I hated the sound of the toilet flushing! I used to not flush it but my parents would get mad so I would flush it then hightail it out of the bathroom. I grew out of that problem around 4th grade. We have sensitive ears so be aware of whats going on around you. If your child is covering their ears or cries a lot when their little it might be because it's just so darn loud or a certain noise is bugging them.

6) I never did any rolling or spinning or rocking I never had the problem of not wanting to be hugged/ touched quite the opppisite. BUT I did do something called stimming. It was a bad habbit that lasted fot ten years! I started when I was three. I would cross my legs get really stiff and rock back and forth. I would do this when I was stressed later in the future. This was done because I guess because of hyposensitivity whuch means I guess that I was lacking some sort of feeling I wasn't getting. I'm not 100% sure. I also loved to go under tables I don't know why. It was more fun, safe, and comfortable like a hug I guess.

7) If you have a kid who likes to wander off like I did KEEP AN EYE ON THEM!!! We're wandering away because were A) bored B) see something really cool or C) want to explore.

8) obsessions, sometimes they can be good but make sure they don't go too far. A lot of the time they'll be really obscure obsessions. Just go with it, it makes them happy. But If it's unhealthy and it's getting in the way with school work or other important things reign it in. Me? I've been obsessed with balloons since I was three, Dog breeds, random facts, werewolves, Marvel superheroes/comics, reading, collecting cool art, collecting ( coins, guitar picks,  shinney smooth rocks and other weird stuff I might find off the ground)

Next time I'll talk about Habits and how to go about it.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

While the title may say "the beginning" it is and it isn't. It's not because this doesn't start when I was born, But it is the beginning because at age three I was diagnosed with mild Autisim and medium OCD.
Autisim does not run in my family, there's no known cause but there is the theory that my dad being 12 years older than my mom didn't help. Just a theory, this is not a known fact. Anyways I was diagnosed when I was three. I went to lots of therapy sessions for speech, physical therapy, and other things I can't recall. I wasn't fully aware I was autistic till my mom called me into the kitchen to show me a newspaper article about a boy that helps take care of his younger sister who has autisim. I asked how that related to me and my mom said, "Because it's like that with you and you brother because your autistic". That's probably not word for word but when she said that I didn't really believe her, she told me I was mildly autistic not like the girl in the newspaper who was more severe than I was. This happened when I was probably 7 or 8. I don't know if she told me I was autistic before that because If she did I either wasn't paying attention or didn't remember. After that I thought about it. I didn't feel any different, was I supposed to? I didn't see how being autistic affected me or my life. The more I think about it the more I realise how it did affect my life. I asked her how am I autistic and she told me about all the therapy sessions and the usual syptoms that indicated I was autistic.

to be continued...